why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
