Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
