you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize