i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
