i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
