It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
