she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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