woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
