Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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