So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
