I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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