my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
