now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
