And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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