Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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