Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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