I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
