It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
