so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
