Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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