Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
