Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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