I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize