you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
