i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
