I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
