I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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