It's Friday. Sex?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
