I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
