I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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