I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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