Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
