The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
