I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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