I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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