I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
