There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
