Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
