Betty ford says i'm here all night
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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