Who wears a wallet chain?!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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