Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
