i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
