This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
