wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
