Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
