Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
