so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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