Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
