I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
