Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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