i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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