I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
