It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
