He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
