my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
