I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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