Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
