yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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