Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
