were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
