YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
