where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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