I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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