I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
