I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
