he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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