It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize