Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
