Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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