i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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