We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
